Gobbledygook terms are one of many current examples of what I call imaginary bogeyman punching bags. These handy targets allow anyone to take a whack at them in order to prop themselves up and look like a hero. Politicians do this all day long. Instead of taking a position on issues or stating their differences vs. their opponent, they run against some vague, generalized and/or fictitious evils like “government waste” or “immigration.” (How does one run against immigration? It’s like running against osmosis.)
Has there ever been a list of words that “thou shalt not use” that was taken seriously? Other than George Carlin’s “seven deadly words that you can’t say on television“? And even those get a free pass lately. The once stodgy and bureaucratic FCC now looks the other way even for those words, if the hour is late enough or your cable channel obscure enough.
Much has been said, written, tweeted and blogged lately about the dangers of using “gobbledygook” terms. Lists have been generated, counted, measured, flagged and flogged and everyone (almost) feels the wiser for it.
Except for one thing. (OK two.)
The first is easy to explain: one person’s gobbledygook is another person’s precise, and often technical or professional term. It can be a term that the intended audience is actually expecting and who believe it’s the most accurate one. The biggest fallacy with the gobbledygook complaint is the idea that all language must be plain language that a single, giant mass “public”, with a lowest common denominator of perhaps an 8th grade education, accepts. (Hmm, sounds kind of “mass media,” don’t you think?)
The second problem is that while people are forgiving of imprecise terms if they are current slang or very popular, they’re unforgiving if the words are politically incorrect, not socially “cool” or out of favor. They want to “ban” them, or whine about them. This is braindead dumb. Vocabularies are not one size fits all. I know some think it’s all a big joke, but I think it’s about as funny as a book burning.
The real gobbledygook terms are those “social media-sanctioned” words that nearly everyone uses with great frequency and gusto (oops–I mean passion). These words are promiscuous, over-hyped terms that sleep around in a lot of sentences but never have a meaningful relationship with any reader–because they don’t convey meaning. This is highly ironic, of course, since the frequent users of these words often believe they’re on a mission to kill off hype.
Here’s a list of some of the REAL gobbledygook terms we are hearing every day. You might detect an Orwellian, 1984-ish trend in the below list. Most if not all are disingenuous and really mean the opposite of their surface definition:
Authentic.
(A code word for “popular and fake as all get-out.”)
Relevant.
(This has nothing to do with asking an individual person what they specifically want, and everything to do with jumping off cliffs of assumption and gross generalization with the help of a search engine.)
Remarkable.
(The trendy, all-purpose superlative, when unique just isn’t good enough. It’s also a chameleon. Since no one can define it, it becomes whatever you want it to be, which is handy for going viral.)
Thought leader.
(The highly popular badge of wannabes who are mostly followers. Bona fide thought leaders have no need to make the claim.)
Pivot.
(Born in the VC community, this is putting a smiley face on your coffin. It means, “everything about your start-up sucks except this one tiny thing, which I’ll invest in if you kill and bury the rest of your lifelong dream.”)
Passionate.
(This is the new, dolled-up and more polite way of saying “this is the only thing I give a shit about.” That’s OK, it makes for nicer name badges at tweetups.)
Human.
(Everyone seems to want to say this, but why is a mystery to me … as opposed to what, exactly? I guess I don’t watch enough animal, vegetable or alien movies.)
Real.
(Do I even have to say it? Another code word for artificial.)
Old School.
(The contemporary fate worse than death … or think of it as “pre-death.” Earlier generations would have said “hell on earth.”) The extra-pejorative form is, “Old Skool,” inspired, apparently, by the need to intentionally misspell words to prove your revolutionary cred. Gotta follow the new rools!
Source: Wikimedia Commons
While hysterically funny, George Carlin’s monologues on the seven deadly words had a serious message that bears repeating today:
“There are no bad words … just bad thoughts … bad intentions … and WORDS.”
Whether you’re a B2B or consumer marketer, keep Carlin’s admonition in mind if you want to have any hope of being influential or persuasive.
We must speak in the language that the people we’d like to reach understand and expect–regardless of whether or not those words meet some uppity, homogenized sniff test.
If you’re trying to engage with a professional or technical audience–or any audience, really, whose interests have their own slang and jargon–WTH do you care if Suzy Creamcheese or Joe the Plumber (who’re NOT part of that audience) don’t like it or don’t get it?
You should not waste one minute thinking about it.
About The B2Bblogger: Steven H. Parker is founder and CEO of Parker Communications, a PR and marketing agency specializing in start-ups and fast growth technology companies. He has worked exclusively with tech companies in PR and marketing for the past 25 years. His prior agency, The Launch Company, for 10 years was one of the top 25 independently-owned agencies in the U.S.He’s also a former VP at Hill & Knowlton, and a former journalist.
During his award-winning career, Parker has provided strategy and consulting to everyone from two-person start-ups to major industry leaders including Lotus, IBM, Digital, Xerox and BBN. Thirty of his 160 clients have been acquired at a total combined value of more than $5 billion. He blogs at www.marketingdissector.com.
